it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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