I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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