hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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