So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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