Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
