he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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