i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
