I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
