You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
