I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize