i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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