I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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