so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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