can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
