I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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