it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
