a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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