After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize