currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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