WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
