obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
