I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
