Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do vagina's smell?
Acid is not a monday night drug
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
