This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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