Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it hurts more in the daytime
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
