billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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