Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
