I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
