you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
