cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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