**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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