Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just pee around me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize