I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
