I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
