I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
