ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
