:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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