if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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