Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
