Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
