For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
