I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
