It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
