all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
