...so i touched it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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