Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
