i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
