He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
