i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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