I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm both gender and math confused
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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