Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
