I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize