Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
