the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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