I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
