who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
