You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize