I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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