I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
