his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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