I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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