Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
