he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
