He told me they were just razor bumps!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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