i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
