Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
