I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
